I’m a Baby Boomer and a guy. That means I grew up largely without a vocabulary for emotions. If you don’t have the words, it’s hard to make sense out of certain things.
There were things that startled me like bugs and snakes. I learned that the spike in my heart rate and the shaking in my hands meant I was scared. When I was asked to get up in front of a group of people and speak, I wondered what that had to do with bugs or snakes. Was something making me afraid? Learned a new word. I was anxious.
Circumstances kept putting me in front of audiences. “Scared” was no longer the right word. Nor was “anxious.” The feelings remained similar. Raised heart rate, shaking hands. I needed a new word. The one I landed on was “energized.” I can’t tell you whether I chose it for myself or someone suggested it. A new word offered a new perspective. “Fear” and “anxiety” were things to avoid, “energy” was something to use and direct.
The words I chose could affect how my body responded.
This was not a connection I made quickly. I loved words so much that I was quite content to live inside my head. Connecting what was going on in my head with what was going on in my body didn’t occur to me unless my body’s reactions were adamant. Fine gradations of wording made sense. Learning that those gradations might map to equally fine gradations of feelings has been a long, slow, still incomplete, process.